Happiness is Like Perfume

Have you ever heard of the saying "Happiness is like perfume...you spray a little on others and get some on yourself in the process"?

This saying by some wise old/young anonymous dude/dudette has kept me going for many, many years. Whenever I'm sad, I seek others who need help; who are sad, and in the process of bringing joy to their lives, I feel my heart lift up as well. That is why I need to serve. I don't think I could be happy just serving myself forever.

Furthermore, I'm learning not to worry so much. I'm learning to just trust God; to have faith and not be Peter walking on water besides Jesus; to be rebuked by the savior: "You of little faith." I have never wholeheartedly trusted God in any situation before, yet God is good. I have never completely believed that he would save me during a crisis...I knew, or I believed, that it is always up to me; the individual; the independent...oh the strong independent girl- I got to take care of myself. No. Footprints on the sand...God walks with me and carries me when I fall...when I am dry, He fills my cup...when I am weak, He is my strength.

I need to trust God with my worries; especially the little ones that get in the way of my path or my purpose in life. It is hard to think about recruiting students for NSWN when my mind is filled with "What kind of scheme will my crazy ex-roommate concoct next?" It is hard to put God first when I'm thinking "How can I survive on just $40 in my bank for the next week or so?" It is hard to concentrate on DT's when I'm thinking "What if I get kicked off Blueprint Leadership because I am unable to find time to paint their 'leadership cabinet'?" Now..."How do I get my package back- the one delivered to an imposter pretending to be me?"and "Will I be able to move in, get my apartment cleaned and ready before school starts or before Betty comes back?"...What if? How is this possible?...Why me?...What's next...? How do I approach this issue...? Little, miniscule worries that are like flies that go "bbzzzzzzzzzzzz" next to my ear every time I try to focus. I can't concentrate.

But I know now all I have to do is breathe and pray... in the morning before the day starts; before things start to get hectic. Because I know then God will be there beside me and then guide me through.

God is good.
Thank you Father.

Love,
Lily

I LOVEEEE EBAY...do I?

Oh joy, the beginning of a new semester is approaching. Waitlisted classes...check. Tele-bears dying at impromptu moments...check. Ned's refusing to buy back my old textbooks...check. Buying new textbooks...AH! Why are they so expensive?!

So I go on the lovely ebay.com, and JOY OF JOYS!- I find my econ 100b textbook $80 cheaper! w00t w00t. I immediately bid- I'm first hah-hah-hahahha!

That was 4 days ago.

I come back today, 4 days later and I've been outbidded 10 times 0_0 -insert anime sweat drop-

Okay...no big deal, so I wait...for another 24 hours and finally there's about an hour left of the auction. I set my maximum bid, and I proudly say it's a nice, solid, hefty number and I KNOW no one's gonna be able to outbid me hah-hah-hahahaha.

Now there's 9 seconds left. I'm clicking the refresh button like a madwoman. 8...7...6...5... ("You're still the highest bidder!")...4...3....2...1...(Uh oh something's wrong...why is the ENTIRE PAGE REFRESHING!?)....0

Someone outbid you; sorry you didn't win this time.

WHAT?!

Cries.

I hate ebay.com

Your miserable sister,
Lily

P.S Does anyone have a Macreconomics 6th edition textbook I could borrow? Help me Gracepoint.

Comic Relief- Cooking Pow! Jenny Zhao

I cannot leave this unsaid...or unwritten. So I spent an afternoon in Cata's place doing my essay, or attempting to do my essay. Who would of thought my anticipated deary afternoon would turn into such an interesting one.

After two hours of developing thesis, you know? Being Sherlock Holmes; spotting evidence; looking underneath the underneath...reading between the lines (Sometimes I wonder whether I should just quit pursuing Rhetoric and start chasing criminals- I think I'd do an excellent job as a private eye), I decided to take a break. And lo and behold, Betty bounces into the living room and asks me how I get my face to be so clear (No Pimples! 0_0 Ah that's a lie). -Blink- Here, I'm going to omit the rest of the conversation to save both of us the embarrassment of having our girly tête-à-tête publicized to the world. But I'll admit it ended with me writing her two shopping list recommendations on a small yellow notepad. Fin.

Monotony ensues...an hour passes...

Jenny comes into the kitchen and begins to- I think- cook. "Lily, want some soup?" She asks. "Of course!" I reply (I'm a pig. Period.) and then I go back to reading Walter Pater's Conclusion, feeling decidely more happy than thirty seconds before, until I hear "OH SHOOT!"
And a few minutes of silence pass, except for the rustle of frozen food packaging, and then "OOPS!" At this point, I cannot concentrate any longer. I place my reader down on the cushion beside me, fold my legs into a meditative position, close my eyes, and then waited in anticipation. I was not disappointed. Another "OH NO!" burst through the kitchen...and SPOOF! (I think that was the sound of boiling water erupting from the pot). There. I have documented Jenny cooking and immortalized it on this blog =) Yay. Still I'll confess the soup was fantastic- just the right POOF! to get my taste buds going.

Well that was fun. All right, so I was practicing a little Rhetoric while I wrote this blog. If you're smart, you might be able to identify about 50 tropes in the paragraphs above.

Love,
Lily

A Little Estranged

When your life is moving at a cheetah's pace; everything's a blur. You don't have time to stop and reflect.
My thoughts are all jumbled. I'm living the present- don't have time to ponder the past or the future. Don't have time to read the bible; do DT; PRAY except for that thirty second interval before a meal.
I feel estranged from my Father...
I want to slow down...Pause. And reflect. I want to breathe.
I'm going to pray tonight. Father, I'm going to pray to you tonight.

Love,
Lily

P.S. Thank you Nancy for helping me with the moving and the yummylicious pancakes you cooked this morning =) You're so wonderful! I love you <3

Tough Times...Loving Times

Thank you my A2F3 soph sisters =) I love you all.
I wrote in my last post: Life is a roller coaster. Every day seems to crawl by before my final moment of complete freedom. But I'm not riding this roller coaster alone. I have my sisters there with me- you're what started the uphill ride...and you're what will take the cart to it's climax. So there's ups and downs, but as Sister S and Brother D said: the downs in life are important too, and like Sister S told me one time: "God will never give you more trials/obstacles in life than you can handle." Thank you Sister S.

Love,
Lily

Life is a rollercoaster...

Happiness flies by but sadness crawls. The same cycle happens with roller coasters. The ride up feels like forever before the drop. Okay so it's just about 20-30 seconds going up, but really it feels longer; it drags by as if days have passed and then at the epitome, the peak, the "up," WHOOSH! The cart drops and speeds down at an average of 50-100 mph (depending on the roller coaster you ride)...but really it feels like 234987324 mph. It's over in less than a millisecond.

Cherish happiness.

Love,
Lily

P.S. Happy Birthday Daniel! I'm sorry I couldn't make it to tonight's dinner party at Crossroads. I'll make it up to you x10 =)

Thank You Again!

Dear A2F3 brothers and sisters + Ellen and Jackie,

Hahaha I love you guys =)

My mother was not wrong when she wrote an email to me and said: "You are blessed to have such wonderful people in your life." I completely agreed with her at the time (though a tad confused because she seemed to know something about you guys that I did not know...haha now I know it had a little something to do with the birthday present you were all planning together).

I never had friends in my life who...cared so much for me; who loves me so much...so much that I feel like my relationship with all of you is not far from my relationship with God. In the past, I always seemed to love harder or love stronger than my friend's love for me. I opened up to them as quick as possible and hoped in vain that they would open up to me, confide in me, share their thoughts with me in the same way I shared my thoughts with them...loved them...cared for them...so that we could establish a close relationship and then I would no longer feel alone. I was searching...I truly prayed to God nearly every night that I would find a place to belong in so that I would no longer feel self-conscious, angry, or feel like there's no reason to live. I got hurt a lot this way. It's so much easier to be on the receiving end of hurt when it's a one-sided relationship. I was an atheist back then.

Once I accepted Christ around the middle or end of tenth grade, I had changed a lot. I had shut myself down and began to just listen, but not talk; just look, but not express; just like but not love. Although circumstances progressed and changed a little once I got to college, I was still very much my new self- an independent, individualistic being. It was just God, me, and my purpose. What this purpose was...back then...probably didn't revolve around love or fellowship...it revolved around success, money, fame (though I promised in the back of my mind that if I got rich and famous, I'll donate to charity...an outlook that I now view with disgust (not at my actions, but at the bare minimum that I would do in order to further the Kingdom of God)).

Therefore I feel so blessed to have met you guys. To have met Gracepoint. My life will never be the same. But it'll be a good kind of "never be the same" haha =) I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us, what God has in store for us. I want to do something grand for Him. Something grand that could involve all of us. We are so strong together! We are so powerful together! We can do anything as long as we're together! No obstacles can stand our way. No thorns can block our path. We not only struggle together; we fight together.
So let's open up to each other more.

Communicate. Love. Family.

Sincerely,
Your sister in Christ,
Lily

P.S. I love the guitar! I will use it and play it to the fullest. I will cherish this gift forever. Thank You.