Pastor Ed brought up a piercing example during Sunday's sermon- that when you have little time for spiritual growth, you ultimately have little time to research answers to answer questions/doubts many atheists bring up:
Remember that question your friend asked you long ago: "Why does God allow babies to die?" The question that you still don't have a good answer for because you never HAD the time to look this answer up in the bible or through apologetics such as The Reason for God or Letters from a Skeptic.
I remember my best friend asked me once "If this idea of Christianity is so true, so good for humanity, then why doesn't everyone believe right now? Why?" I remember I had no good answer for it.
Then I remember she also asked me once "What about the people of this world before Jesus came to save us and die on the cross? Were they not saved? Huh?"...I also didn't have a good answer for it.
Then I remember my other best friend asked me once: "I hate the way religions keep warring against one another. It feels like all you're doing is competing against each other and arguing "My God is better." That's stupid...that's why I'm agnostic. I believe there's someone higher up there, but I don't believe He exists in any one of your religions." I didn't have a good answer for that.
A friend asked me once: "I don't get this trinity thing, how can God be three things at once? It all sounds so fantastical to me- like some sort of fable. Seriously, what is this God = Jesus concept? Wasn't Jesus God's son? How can He be God....and the son....>.<
But as I'm reading the bible more now, praying more, growing more, reading apologetics...I'm starting to see the answer to all my friend's questions; if they ask me these questions now (2 years later), I can answer with more assurity. But I can't believe it took me 2 years to realize this. I hardly talk to any of them now. I'm so ashamed. Oh how time flies!
Love,
Lily
P.S If anyone shares the same doubt as my friend's, tell me! I'll provide a good answer for you! I promise!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Happy Birthday Winnie!
Happy Birthday Winnieeee the Poooh Pooh!! Yay, it's the first time I can add a pooh to someone's name without a this =_= expression from somebody hehehehe.
I really pray for Winnie's mother...and her family overall. I know it hurts so much. Winnie is my role model. No matter how much she struggles, she puts on a strong and calm face in any situation. I want to learn from her- I want to face my struggles with the same peace and the same strength as she has.
God is with her. He promised us "Surely I am with you always..." Matthew 28:20.
God bless,
Lily
P.S. If you have time, please take a peek at my deviantart portfolio =)
I really pray for Winnie's mother...and her family overall. I know it hurts so much. Winnie is my role model. No matter how much she struggles, she puts on a strong and calm face in any situation. I want to learn from her- I want to face my struggles with the same peace and the same strength as she has.
God is with her. He promised us "Surely I am with you always..." Matthew 28:20.
-----------------
My favorite story
-----------------
My favorite story
-----------------
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“ You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“ The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“ You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“ The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”
--Author Mary Stevenson--
God bless,
Lily
P.S. If you have time, please take a peek at my deviantart portfolio =)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Taking a break
I just realized that if I don't take 10 minute breaks in between my 40 minute studying spans, my brain goes WAYYYY ADD. That is how short my attention span is 0_0. So I'm taking one of those awesome 10 minute breaks right now...hmm...I've got 3 minutes before my break ends! Ahh! And then back to Stat. I'll post until 11:37, and then I'll study Stat 20 for 40 more minutes...and then I'll post again on the same post. Yay! Blogging is going to be my break today.
I've decided on a whim today that I'm going to sit in on Chinese 100ax lectures every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 8:00 a.m until the end of this semester....hmmmmmmmmmmm...CAN I PERSEVERE WITH IT? I really want to take Chinese 100BX next semester, but my Chinese is- Ack! 11:37 p.m! TIME TO STUDY, I'LL BE BACK :P
- 11:37 p.m -
Ahh I can't study anymore. I'M GOING TO SLEEP zZZZzzzz! I'll post tomorrowwwwwwww
- 12:00 a.m -
I've decided on a whim today that I'm going to sit in on Chinese 100ax lectures every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 8:00 a.m until the end of this semester....hmmmmmmmmmmm...CAN I PERSEVERE WITH IT? I really want to take Chinese 100BX next semester, but my Chinese is- Ack! 11:37 p.m! TIME TO STUDY, I'LL BE BACK :P
- 11:37 p.m -
Ahh I can't study anymore. I'M GOING TO SLEEP zZZZzzzz! I'll post tomorrowwwwwwww
- 12:00 a.m -
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Economics
Hey guys, wanna understand what reallly happened during the subprime mortage crisis? You gotta watch this: (Absolutely hilarious)
Love,
Lily
You can see the script here if you don't understand some parts. That last line though...man...that was brutal honesty right to the core. We pay for Wall Street's greed.
Love,
Lily
You can see the script here if you don't understand some parts. That last line though...man...that was brutal honesty right to the core. We pay for Wall Street's greed.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Not a fairy tale ending but maybe a good ending nonetheless?
I've been posting a load of stupid, useless stuff these days haven't I? None of my posts are really meaningful or insightful or anything. This post probably isn't going to be any different, but at least it won't be about soymilk, sublet, dot, ebay...etc.
I was really struck by the song we sang today at church: "More than enough." I heard this song a million times already, but today, I heard it differently. It stung me, though it never did before. I realized that you could have everything in the world- great people around you, great friendships, a comfortable lifestyle, money + job, clothing, and shelter, but you won't be truly happy without God in your life. If you're spiritually dead, nothing...I mean nothing in the world is going to make you truly happy. I know because I'm feeling it now- this spiritual deadness within me. I've let it consume me these past few days and the funny thing is I'm still letting it consume me. This process has led to bitterness, anger, self-pity...I know I'm falling away from God but somehow this "I don't care" attitude has dominated the "help me" cry. I know I cried in church; I remember I said to God in prayer: Please help me! But after church, I reverted back to the stubborn, defiant ol' me.
This post is so negative right now but you know, I realized this is a reality for many people. Stories don't always start with "I'm struggling and I'm depressed" and end with "but I prayed to God, felt his wonderful light/presence wash over me...forgiving me...cleansing me and now I am redeemed- I have once again found joy in my life!" But don't worry, this post isn't going to end negatively, though a lot of times it does (I know because one of my best friends in High School was never able to reconcile with God again, fell away from Christianity, and became a hard core atheist). The reason is there is always a struggle in between- it's just a matter of whether you can overcome this struggle or not. This struggle is mostly about "Can I really put my faith in God or should I just rely on myself?" The correct answer is obviously: put your faith in God (in CAPS with an exclamation mark at the end), but do you really believe in this answer? Sometimes we don't. And then there's always human's rebellious nature. Never underestimate this innate rebellion against God born from when Adam and Eve first defied God's command.
I'm feeling that rebelliousness within me right now. Even though I know I need Him, I'm saying and I'm feeling 'I don't care!' and 'God, I just finished that whole fiasco with my other roommate back in the cottage and now this?! I deserve a break! I hardly attended any of my lectures these past 6 weeks- I'm failing school and now I have to deal with this? I need a break." (Why is the kit kat commercial popping up in my head...) Now I'm just being childish. Yikes, I'm going off a tangent...this is why I'm an ENFP...my short attention span strikes again.
My main point is despite all this turmoil, all this struggle, all this hodgepodge of junk (mostly junk like junk thoughts: "I can't believe she lied to me...I can't believe she did this...I can't believe this is happening to me... or "What if my sublet's this evil evil person...what if?" or the "Rights" thoughts- "This is my right to have a break...I have a right to do this because this..that..this that...it's only FAIR that way" or my junk emotions: anger, bitterness, hate, self-pity....), I got to step back and see the big picture: without God, I will never be happy. And then, somehow, every itty bitty little thing just sort of vaporizes. These past few days, I may have done DT...I may have prayed...and I may have gone to church, but my mind was never really on God- my heart was never really with God, it was always elsewhere.
And this is when a chorus of angels come up to sing "HALLELUJAH!" and a spotlight shines on my face. Now I understand why I need him. Now I know why I got to put my faith in him. And now I'm hitting myself and wondering why in the world I'm rebelling against God, why in the world am I rebelling against true happiness? And then I remember when I wrote in a post once: "Happiness is like perfume, you spray a little on others and get some on yourself in the process." This isn't even a biblical statement but I get it. When I make God happy, I become happy as well. When my "lifesong sings to" Him, and "brings a smile to His face" (Casting Crown: "Lifesong"), I 100% doubt anyone is going to say "and then I became sad." Doi! That's analogous to someone saying "I just ate all of Nancy's delicious home-made cheesecake a second ago and I feel so sad because I'm starving to death." Now how do I make God happy so that I can be happy too? And this is when someone's spiritual journey begins.
I know my best friend, the hard-core athiest I mentioned, will never truly be happy with the way her life is now. She may be stubborn and rebellious now, but someday...maybe many years later, I can reach out to her again and bring God with me, maybe then, she will finally stop saying "No one take control of my life but me" and just say "I think I need Help...I think I need my Father." I'm not giving up on her.
And now I'm saying to myself "I'm not giving up on Sister B" either. Yes, I've been hurt. Yes, I've been lied to. Yes, I've been feeling bitterness, hatred, anger, and all those bad emotions because of this situation with her. But this situation taught me an important lesson. And she taught me something. In a way, I've got to admire her strength and independence. She may not have a load of common sense or a load of interpersonal skills, but she's hella strong and kind of brave. In a sense, she's really not afraid of what anyone thinks of her or is that just naivety? I don't know but man, she's one tough cookie...or bread (sourdough bread anyone? I gave some to Steph). Even though she's leaving us officially, I want to make sure she leaves with the knowledge that she's...welcome to come back. She's welcomed here. Yeah, she's got a load of flaws, but so do we all- we just have the common sense to cover it better haha, no I'm just kidding. It's definitely not always common sense that we cover our flaws, most of the times, we do it out of love for each other and I know we all try to change for the better.
So yes. I've forgiven her. I haven't apologized to her yet, but I don't feel anger anymore. Just a little sadness (still feel a little hurt) and a little bit of my stubborness, but my bitterness and my hatred and all those bad bad emotions are kind of wearing off, and now I'm just tired but content.
Love,
Lily
I was really struck by the song we sang today at church: "More than enough." I heard this song a million times already, but today, I heard it differently. It stung me, though it never did before. I realized that you could have everything in the world- great people around you, great friendships, a comfortable lifestyle, money + job, clothing, and shelter, but you won't be truly happy without God in your life. If you're spiritually dead, nothing...I mean nothing in the world is going to make you truly happy. I know because I'm feeling it now- this spiritual deadness within me. I've let it consume me these past few days and the funny thing is I'm still letting it consume me. This process has led to bitterness, anger, self-pity...I know I'm falling away from God but somehow this "I don't care" attitude has dominated the "help me" cry. I know I cried in church; I remember I said to God in prayer: Please help me! But after church, I reverted back to the stubborn, defiant ol' me.
This post is so negative right now but you know, I realized this is a reality for many people. Stories don't always start with "I'm struggling and I'm depressed" and end with "but I prayed to God, felt his wonderful light/presence wash over me...forgiving me...cleansing me and now I am redeemed- I have once again found joy in my life!" But don't worry, this post isn't going to end negatively, though a lot of times it does (I know because one of my best friends in High School was never able to reconcile with God again, fell away from Christianity, and became a hard core atheist). The reason is there is always a struggle in between- it's just a matter of whether you can overcome this struggle or not. This struggle is mostly about "Can I really put my faith in God or should I just rely on myself?" The correct answer is obviously: put your faith in God (in CAPS with an exclamation mark at the end), but do you really believe in this answer? Sometimes we don't. And then there's always human's rebellious nature. Never underestimate this innate rebellion against God born from when Adam and Eve first defied God's command.
I'm feeling that rebelliousness within me right now. Even though I know I need Him, I'm saying and I'm feeling 'I don't care!' and 'God, I just finished that whole fiasco with my other roommate back in the cottage and now this?! I deserve a break! I hardly attended any of my lectures these past 6 weeks- I'm failing school and now I have to deal with this? I need a break." (Why is the kit kat commercial popping up in my head...) Now I'm just being childish. Yikes, I'm going off a tangent...this is why I'm an ENFP...my short attention span strikes again.
My main point is despite all this turmoil, all this struggle, all this hodgepodge of junk (mostly junk like junk thoughts: "I can't believe she lied to me...I can't believe she did this...I can't believe this is happening to me... or "What if my sublet's this evil evil person...what if?" or the "Rights" thoughts- "This is my right to have a break...I have a right to do this because this..that..this that...it's only FAIR that way" or my junk emotions: anger, bitterness, hate, self-pity....), I got to step back and see the big picture: without God, I will never be happy. And then, somehow, every itty bitty little thing just sort of vaporizes. These past few days, I may have done DT...I may have prayed...and I may have gone to church, but my mind was never really on God- my heart was never really with God, it was always elsewhere.
And this is when a chorus of angels come up to sing "HALLELUJAH!" and a spotlight shines on my face. Now I understand why I need him. Now I know why I got to put my faith in him. And now I'm hitting myself and wondering why in the world I'm rebelling against God, why in the world am I rebelling against true happiness? And then I remember when I wrote in a post once: "Happiness is like perfume, you spray a little on others and get some on yourself in the process." This isn't even a biblical statement but I get it. When I make God happy, I become happy as well. When my "lifesong sings to" Him, and "brings a smile to His face" (Casting Crown: "Lifesong"), I 100% doubt anyone is going to say "and then I became sad." Doi! That's analogous to someone saying "I just ate all of Nancy's delicious home-made cheesecake a second ago and I feel so sad because I'm starving to death." Now how do I make God happy so that I can be happy too? And this is when someone's spiritual journey begins.
I know my best friend, the hard-core athiest I mentioned, will never truly be happy with the way her life is now. She may be stubborn and rebellious now, but someday...maybe many years later, I can reach out to her again and bring God with me, maybe then, she will finally stop saying "No one take control of my life but me" and just say "I think I need Help...I think I need my Father." I'm not giving up on her.
And now I'm saying to myself "I'm not giving up on Sister B" either. Yes, I've been hurt. Yes, I've been lied to. Yes, I've been feeling bitterness, hatred, anger, and all those bad emotions because of this situation with her. But this situation taught me an important lesson. And she taught me something. In a way, I've got to admire her strength and independence. She may not have a load of common sense or a load of interpersonal skills, but she's hella strong and kind of brave. In a sense, she's really not afraid of what anyone thinks of her or is that just naivety? I don't know but man, she's one tough cookie...or bread (sourdough bread anyone? I gave some to Steph). Even though she's leaving us officially, I want to make sure she leaves with the knowledge that she's...welcome to come back. She's welcomed here. Yeah, she's got a load of flaws, but so do we all- we just have the common sense to cover it better haha, no I'm just kidding. It's definitely not always common sense that we cover our flaws, most of the times, we do it out of love for each other and I know we all try to change for the better.
So yes. I've forgiven her. I haven't apologized to her yet, but I don't feel anger anymore. Just a little sadness (still feel a little hurt) and a little bit of my stubborness, but my bitterness and my hatred and all those bad bad emotions are kind of wearing off, and now I'm just tired but content.
Love,
Lily
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